Difference between revisions of "Vern"

Latest revision as of 08:44, 21 July 2012

I'm your average North African Faerie Wyvern with a not-so average lifestyle.

Dragons of the magical dimension of Faerie (as you well know) were created by God at the beginning of the world. We are immortal and androgynous, soulless yet no more evil than any other natural phenomenon. In fact, we’re rather preferable to many natural phenomena. After all, I never wantonly destroyed anyone’s property or took anyone’s life--unless I was hungry, or had been provoked, or (just on occasion) if it would be funny. Most of the time, as long as the locals treated me with respect, tossed me a cow when I came calling, and left my treasure alone, I was a benevolent neighbor. Can you expect similar treatment from a hurricane?

Of course, some creatures--read “humans”--just don’t learn. I've seen his share of angry mobs, brave knights and the poor saps that get chosen by the local village to “confront the infernal beast.” Even worse were the ages when rescuing a maiden from the dragon was the vogue for courtship. First off, humans,--male or female, virgin or not--are not a dragon’s dinner of choice, but who’s gonna refuse free food? Then, to add insult to injury, some bronze-clad macho-man spouting unusually bad epic poetry charges into my lair, pokes me with something pointy and long and takes off with the girl--after stopping to scoop up a dowry, naturally. So just as naturally, the prospective “knight in shining armor” became “spam in a can.” Particularly if the poetry was really bad. Overall, a bad idea for everyone, until I had the wise idea of cutting a few deals with the couple's parents. Kept me well fed, "Prince Charming" didn't poke me, and the happy couple had thier romantic adventure without the potentially fatal consequences. Good run while it lasted.

Still, you know how humans are: that which is not with us needs to be taken down or subdued. Thus, the Faerie St. George trapped me in a holy spell. (Trust me: if he had not had God on his side, things would have gone differently.) By the time the saintly knight mage was done, I was little larger than an iguana, with no fire, no flight and just enough of my former knowledge to speak Latin and understand most aspects of human life. St. George the told me I could earn back all his former abilities and regain his dragon glory by serving God and Man through the Faerie Catholic Church. St. George then presented him to Pope Boniface II, who gave him the “clever” name of Vern d’Wyvern. (Don’t call me that--Vern will do.)

I started as the Pope’s pet, and when I saved his life, I became his bodyguard, then his adviser, and moved on to other jobs as the God directed. In eight centuries, I've been a scribe, a convent watch-dragon (no problems with keeping the virgins safe there), an Inquisitor (and with evil having the power of magic, the Inquisition had a very different and more dangerous role), and plow "horse" for a monastery farm. When the Gap opened between Mundane and Faerie, I felt a calling to come to our dimension. Don't ask why; or at least, don't ask me.

Maybe it's an exercise in humiliation--sorry, humility. Whether because they were afraid I’d eat the children or poop on the sidewalk, people treated me with suspicion. The US Department of Immigration, while willing to consider citizenship for elves, dwarves, or any other bipedal Faerie life form, refuses to grant me the personhood status. Thus, I couldn't get a green card or regular employment. Still, a lot of Mundanes, once they got to know me, were genuinely kind and accepting. (Some of them say, “God bless St. George. Your curse is our blessing.” I like that.) I've also learned that by helping humans on this side of the Gap, I can earn back his abilities just as easily as in Faerie. The advantage is, that with the opening between the two worlds, there are a lot more opportunities for me to help out both worlds.

So now I live in an old warehouse on the seedy side of Los Logos which also holds to office of Dragon Eye, PI. I'm a professional problem-solver, no job too big or too little, wisdom of eternity, knowledge of the ages, virginity verified…you know the drill. Flights extra. Saving the multiverse, lots extra.

This entry is from the works Karina Fabian